Marriages And Relationships??. ? Musings of an overwhelmed ...

I?ve seen too many cases of domestic violence of recent. Couples fighting, mutilating and even killing their partners?as?well?..Madness!!!

I wanted to remain silent on this ?issue, after all I?m not a Marriage Counsellor. That aside, this is not a topic one or two posts can cover, neither is it a simple one.?Still, as a married woman, ( going to 8 years this year) I feel the need to speak out. I ask myself, what is happening to the Institution called Marriage? Why is domestic violence so rampant now?? What can we do to avoid seeing ourselves in these unwanted situations?

?Surely these couples must have courted for a while before saying ?I do?. For quite some?time now, ?I?ve noticed It?s the woman that does majority of the sacrifice to make the? Marriage union work.??All what I?m going to say has been said already a hundred times over and thousands of books have been written about Marriages, but I just hope the little I have to say?can still help one or two couples or intending couples out there. I?m just going to highlight some basic, practical points that works. I?m going to be addressing the women mostly because I?m a woman myself and I know the way our minds work, so tighten your seat belts and listen well??.

1.?Ladies, do not take your partners? ?love for you for granted!: ?Some ladies take this love as an opportunity to start misbehaving and disrespecting their partners??what a pity! Loving you and showing it doesn?t mean he?s stupid, be wise!!

2.Ladies, I have news for you, there is no perfect man out there: If you see his flaws during courtship and you feel you can?t live with those flaws, then please leave before you commit yourself further in the relationship?and never feel under pressure to marry ?Mr Available?.

3. With a sincere, God fearing man by your side, your marriage is already on a very good foundation: make sure you never do anything to make that fear of God leave your man. A man who doesn?t fear God can do anything!

4. The love your husband/partner has for you, make sure you nurture that love: never take it for granted and reciprocate that love as well.

?5.Never embarrass your husband/partner in front of his family:?not only?his family, but also in front of your ?family and most, especially among his peers.

6. If you argue, please resolve it between yourselves: don?t run and tell mummy everything. In most cases, it only worsens the situation and blows it out of proportion.

7. Never condone violence in any form: right from while you are courting, not even a slap is acceptable! shine your eyes well! The tell tale signs are there if you look well.

8.If ?during your courtship he hits you, please LEAVE!!: If he has done it before, chances are high that he will do it again! And please, that is not love!

9. Never think money doesn?t matter in a relationship: It does to an extent! You both have to be practical. Believe me, when you start having children and expenses and bills start rolling in, and its becoming an issue to meet those financial obligations, love alone cannot pay for those things!? In fact, you will be amazed at how love can quickly turn to hatred.

10. The man is the Head of the family and it should always remain that way: If the wife earns the higher income, she must? remember that her husband STILL remains the head of the home, the woman must apply wisdom in this scenario.

?11.If the husband earns less than the wife, It remains his duty to still foot some of the bills: the wife shouldn?t try and be a martyr and carry the whole financial burden on?her shoulders (the scenario differs if the husband is currently un-employed and without any means to pay the bills).

12. It is the duty of the husband to always strive to be the Head provider for his family (forget Western Culture abeg!) you cannot expect 100% respect from your wife and yet do nothing to provide for your family, especially when the children are in need. No woman likes to see her child suffer while her husband isn?t ?assisting in any way to cater for the family?s needs.

13. Wives please reduce the nagging to a minimum: ?It doesn?t help at all. Also?stop using sex as an Instrument of barter because inevitably, you are using your own hands to drive your man away.

14.Men, It?s not the end of the world if a?Corporate job isn?t available: ?If a Corporate Job isn?t available after trying to gain employment for some years, put aside your Suits and look at self employment options or anything legitimate you can do to bring home the bacon. Office work is not a do or die affair!

Two questions from one of my readers:

A. How is love nurtured?

B. What are the signs to watch out for to avoid an abusive relationship?

A.How to nurture that love??.

1.Sometimes you make some sacrifices: if he?s a decent man he will see it, though he might not say anything or even mention it, he will appreciate and love you more.

2.Always appreciate him?with words:?also in ?your gestures and in your prayers.

3.Treat his family with respect, especially his parents: It makes most men happy, especially if he?s close to his parents (please not eye service, he will see right ?through you).

4.Sometimes, he might upset you and you might want to strike back or retaliate in anger, please don?t!: Take time out until your anger goes down and discuss with him later when you are feeling more in control of your emotions.

5.Make sure he?s always eager to come home to you: make your home peaceful for him and for yourself too.

?

B.What are the signs to watch out for to avoid an abusive relationship?

1. In most cases, his temper is always one of the major?key signs.

2.Atimes, it might even be verbal abuse, not just physical so watch how he treats his family, colleagues,friends and subordinates alike.

3. Watch how he reacts when he doesn?t get his way in a given situation.

4. Observe how he relates even with your own family members.

5. Listen to how people who relate with him on a regular basis talk about him. Are they mostly negative things with very few positive things or hardly anything positive?

6.Pray, Pray and Pray more for God to open your eyes during your Courtship period with him.

This wasn?t meant to be an epistle,? just some key points to help anyone who might find them useful. If you did find it useful, please let me know and most importantly, let other people know as well.?

THE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN MUST STOP AND THE POWER IS IN OUR HANDS!!

hApPy eAsTeR EvErYoNe!!!!!!

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Tags: marriage, domestic violence, relationship, courtship, family

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